Can I live with you!?!?!?! PLEASE!!! I WANT TO LIVE IN A MANSION! I WILL GIVE YOU COOKIES AND FOOT RUBS!

07-22-1993:
black green blue purple. which, coincidentally, are the same colors of a bruise my lips would leave on you. and rainbow but that didn't fit in

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR LAST WEEK!!! xo

HAHAHAH I don’t know why I laughed so hard at this XD
Priest guy: “Amen”
Everyone else: “Amen”
The guy you sucked off: “AHHHHH FUCK ME!”
Jesus: “How beautiful, you go girl!”

It is the fertility bed! Amazing! Why would your parents tell you where they had sex to have you? :/

I thought at the start of this you confessed to being a pedophile, by the use of the word “kid”. I have never broken sweat so fast in my life. This is an amazing slooty confession!

See what your followers think of you.

iswimitslife:

BLACK = I would date you.
GREEN = I think you’re cute.
BLUE = You are my tumblr crush.
GREY = I wish you would notice me.
PURPLE = I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.
TEAL = We have a lot in common.
YELLOW = I don’t know you at all.
ORANGE = I don’t like your blog.
BROWN = I don’t like you.
PINK = I think you are unattractive.
RED = I hate you with a burning passion.
WHITE = You scare me.
RAINBOW = BED PLZ.

(Source: omgreblog)

Are you INSANE?!!? Did you actually just jizz on your friends parent and you are:
a) Still friends with your friend
b) Still house sit for them
c) Can still look his mother in the face, knowing you jizzed on her face without her wanting to be jizzed on

4 inches doesn’t seem that small. Is it? I actually have no idea. I went to a sex shop once and saw a replica dildo of a porn stars dick of 11 inches and I swear, I nearly wanted to sew up my vagina and quit thinking about sex. 4 seems like a better deal that 11 inches. Maybe she is just a bitch.

Teachers really are inventive when they design their new teaching syllabus to improve the way they perform in the classroom…or car.

Happy mothers day…

I can’t decide if having spit being spit into your mouth is gross or not. I mean, you are kissing the person, so it is technically the same thing - but I just think the act of spitting makes everything feel gross.

Sorry for party rocking with the apes from Planet of the Apes. Will continue with slutty confessions soon and regular posting. Love you all, just be a little patient :)