He unfriended me on Facebook. The world just stopped for me. I stared at my computer screen for 5 minutes, having nothing to say, feeling left empty inside. I knew he was gone since the moment we stopped seeing eachother, but seeing it on my computer screen, knowing that he doesn’t the strength anymore to see me pop up everyday is a whole other side to the word ‘gone’. He is gone, we seize to exist together past this moment. It is purely amazing how two people can utterly fall in love and destroy eachother within the span of 11 weeks. The last time we were together, he was holding me and kissing me while I sat on his lap - and now this.We are both victims of love and now is the time where we pick up pieces of our broken hearts to go our separate ways.
"What is going on?" - is a question I am asked a lot. I don’t know how to respond, apart from the typical "i’m fine". To some people it might seem like I am avoiding help, but I am not. I just don’t have the words to describe what is happening in my head. My head half the time is not there, I do not think anything. There is dead silence. My body has only become a creature of simple thought processes. Other times my head is bombarded with thoughts. If a negative thought grows in my head, a domino affect takes place. The negative thought continuously and rapidly fills up the whole room for productive thoughts, till the point where I am having a nervous breakdown with tears. Then there is this side to me that has a sudden burst of energy. I am full with confidence and I continue to laugh so hard. To outsiders they will see me as a happy person, but little did they know that every laugh I have is slowly killing me within. Laughing is worse than the rest, because it is like covering a hole in the wall with a poster. Eventhough you can not see the hole, you know it is still there. You have become more aware of its presence than you did before you covered it. When I look around at university, everyone seems so happy and stable. It is like when I sit in class, the world is spinning around me while I watch everyone’s lives develop right before my eyes. Just like my parents who plan on leaving for a holiday right before I plan to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. I don’t have their support, I never will, they are not there for me. I can not see myself in their future, because their future is to move half way across the world and build a home their within the next up coming years. I am just someone who they used to live with, till they decided it was a good idea to move on. What is left for me? I don’t know. I guess some people can picture what life will be like for them in the future. Where they will live, what their partner will be like, what they plan on doing. For me, my vision doesn’t go past today. I can not picture all that, because I can not picture me being here. I can’t imagine all that, because I can not picture how I can survive in a body as mentally futile as this. I don’t think long-term, because I know I will just be disappointed. My life isn’t a movie, things just don’t happen for everyone. Some people will not have what they wished for. That is life, I guess I just have to sit back and enjoy my silent brain as I stare blankly at the four walls of my bedroom, as I have done every night for the last 3 years.
HAHA more like *grumpy - still, thank you for your kindness! Have a nice day! :)
wow…camera technology is developing so fast and yet we get our license picture taken with a potato…